foolhandy

This morning, whilst trying to acquire Homer Simpson singing “Spider Pig” I came across vixy.net, a site which makes it possible to download video and/or audio from YouTube videos. So I processed one of the Simpson Movie trailers and I now have this new Spider Pig MP3* as my ringtone… Cool!

Three days to go!

* This is a new version of my original MP3 ring tone which features the full version of Homer Simpson singing Spider Pig without any background noise or breaks.

Mr. Brigstocke is a funny man, and his monologues on The Now Show are always worth listening to again. Helen brought this particular monologue to my attention, and so much of it could have come out of my mouth. If only I was as clever and witty…

Back in 1990, King Edward VIth Grammar School Stratford-Upon-Avon employed a man named Peter Whittle to be an English teacher. One of his first classes was our A-Level class - 30 testosterone-filled 16 year-old students who had spent the last five years at an all-boys school where empathy and understanding were in short supply. Showing your feminine side wasn’t the done thing. He tried to teach us English literature by feeling the texts and worked to help us understand that, contrary to all that had been taught before, literature isn’t all zeros and ones. He didn’t stand a chance.

Over the two years he taught us we systematically destroyed him, to the point where he simply left us a note for what would have been our last lesson with him. The note told us that we had made his life a misery, that he would never teach sixth form students again, and that he hoped maybe one day we’d understand what he had been trying to teach us.

It’s not a part of my education that I am in anyway proud of. I don’t know what Mr. Whittle is doing now, but I hope we didn’t cause permanent damage. I wish that he had been our English teacher from the beginning, we would have understood then.
One of the anecdotes he used to explain a particular feature of a text, one of Donne’s love sonnets I believe, was of his wife badly banging her head in their kitchen. He told us that her head was bleeding profusely, that it had formed a large lump, and not being at all practical in medical issues his only solution was to hold her in his arms. As he held her to comfort her she cried, and he found himself crying too. He wasn’t hurt, but the feeling of helplessness caused by the knowledge that the woman he loved was hurting and there was nothing he could do to ease that pain made him cry in empathy for her. Her sadness made him sad. Her pain caused him pain, and although it was a different pain it stemmed from his love for her, because he would have moved the heavens to ease her anguish but he was just a man holding her in his arms. He was powerless, and all he could hope for was that his arms would draw away from her some of the sadness, and his heart being heavy for her pain it would take some of it upon itself to carry.

You told this to a bunch of arrogant, alpha-male teenagers and we laughed. I think finally understood you a while back, but today this thirty three year old was again reminded about exactly what you meant and how you felt. I’m sorry Mr. Whittle, we were a waste of your time back in 1990, but I do understand now.

For the 2007/8 Premiership season I shall be running the position predictor again.

All you have to do is predict the positions the 20 Premiership teams will finish in on the last day of the season in May 2008. The person closest will win some Cambridge United merchandising up to the value of £10, which you don’t have to have if you don’t want. I will understand… It goes without saying that this competition is free!

Scoring is as follows : 0 points for the exact position, 1 point for 1 place away, 2 points for 2 places away and so on… The nearer to zero you are the better you’re doing.

Scores will be updated on the first of each month and posted here in the blog under a Premiership Position Predictor tag by the end of the third day of each month.

To enter, simply place the 20 Premiership teams below in the order you think they’ll finish next May and post them in the comments on the Premiership Position Predictor page WITH YOUR NAME. And that’s it for the season - easier than Fantasy Football eh?

Closing date is midnight on Sunday 12th August 2007, which allows you to see each team play once, should you wish to, before entering.

I’ll put my prediction in over the next couple of days to start the ball rolling - please don’t leave me playing with myself…

Karl

The teams… Arsenal, Aston Villa, Birmingham, Blackburn, Bolton, Chelsea, Derby, Everton, Fulham, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Middlesbrough, Newcastle, Portsmouth, Reading, Sunderland, Tottenham, West Ham & Wigan.

It’s astonishing to me that there are so many movies I want to see this summer. This trailer for Transformers particularly whets the appetite…

Spider Pig is one of the funniest bits of the film, and the makers know it. The song Homer sings appears in various forms throughout the film. My previous Spider Pig MP3 didn’t have the middle section asking whether Spider Pig can swing from a web. So this morning I got another sound clip from the movie (again using vixy.net & YouTube) and made this (using Audacity) - the new full Spider Pig MP3! It’s not perfect but I made it myself for free so I’m happy with that. I think I’ll have this as my ringtone so Helen & I can tell whose ‘phone it is. Sad eh?

Edit : I have now got a full version of Spider Pig and the link above is to a high quality version.

I’m not good at writing movie reviews, but may it be known that The Simpsons Movie was brilliant. It was like a Simpsons TV episode over an hour and a half, rather than some meddled with nonsense that so many movies-from-tv programs are. I may go and see it again, because there were so many favourite bits I can’t recall which one was the best and it’s somehow important to know such things. I’ll certainly buy it on DVD. Most of all though, it wasn’t a disappointment. It was exactly how I had expected and hoped a Simpsons movie would be, and I’m grateful for that. Well done Mr. Groening and friends…

In other news, I am apparently most like Comic Book Guy. Thanks.

Better news is that the number of visitors to my site has increased ten-fold due simply due to the world’s love of Spider Pig. I didn’t realise that this post would have such an impact, but I like the fact that it has.

I’ll post something not about The Simpsons soon. Honest.

…to The Simpsons Movie.

Excited? Me? Just a little…

It’s the name of Peter Andre & Katie Price’s new baby of course!

Of most interest to me are these two lines :

From the BBC Website - “Katie always loved the name Princess, but everyone thought it was a bit over the top. I loved it too but I wanted to name her after both our mums.”

From Peter’s Website - “Peter and Katie have decided to name their new baby daughter TIAAMII. It is pronounced tee-ah-me and is taken from both their mum’s names.”

I did try and look on Katie’s website for her official comment but you have to register to read important news and I’m not that much of a celebrity-whore. Honest.

Still, I spy a bit of conflict here. I wonder if there’ll be calling it different names on their TV program!

The epic double album for the Summer of 2007…

Sun
Summertime Blues - Eddie Cochran
Summer Holiday - Cliff Richards
Summer In The City - The Lovin’ Spoonful
Sun Is Shining - The Feeling
Here Comes The Sun - The Beatles
Staying Out For The Summer - Dodgy
Light & Day/Reach for the Sun - The Polyphonic Spree
Sunny Afternoon - The Kinks
We’re Going To Ibiza - The Vengaboys
Summer Nights - John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John
In The Summertime - Mungo Jerry
Lost In France - Bonnie Tyler
Sunny - Boney M
The Pop Singer’s Fear Of The Pollen Count - The Divine Comedy
Sun Is Shining - Bob Marley vs. Funkstar De Luxe
Let Me Take You There - Betty Boo
Love Is In The Air (Ballroom Mix) - John Paul Young
It’s Summertime - The Flaming Lips
Summertime - Robbie Williams
Medley: Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In - Fifth Dimension
Wham Rap! (Enjoy What You Do) - Wham!

Rain
My Head Is My Only House Unless It Rains - Captain Beefheart & the Magic Band
Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head - Burt Bacharach
Raining In My Heart - Leo Sayer
It’s Raining - Shakin’ Stevens
Have You Ever Seen The Rain? - The Jeevas
Rainy Days And Mondays - The Carpenters
Surrender The Rain - Lindsey Buckingham
Queen Of Rain - David Hasselhoff
And It Rained All Night - Thom Yorke
Rain Must Fall - Queen
Why Does It Always Rain On Me? - Travis
Here Comes the Rain Again - Eurythmics
It’s Raining Men - The Weather Girls
Red Rain - Peter Gabriel
Dry The Rain - The Beta Band
The Rain Song - Led Zeppelin
Purple Rain - Prince

Where else would you find Mr. Hasselhoff followed by Mr. Yorke? Genius…

Yesterday I traveled up to Snetterton in Norfolk with Helen to take part in a Novice’s Track Day, where I drove my Mazda MX-5 Merlot around in circles all day at high speeds. I shan’t mention carbon footprints because I averaged just 23mpg compared to the usual 35ish I get, will have to replace two of the tyres and most probably have new brakes too… It was great fun though.

The day was so well run by Motor Sport Vision I’d recommend it to anyone with an idea that they might like it. They would… You get to drive around in several sessions during the course of the day, and as long as you’re not being dangerous you can do what you like - I wasn’t expecting such freedom. I made use of an instructor early on which proved a great help as I was getting the lines, braking points and gears wrong one the first few laps. After that I was able to keep up with most of the cars through the bends. MX-5s may be fast through corners but on the straights I was eaten by Lotus Exiges, Porsche 911s, BMW CSLs, a motorbike engined Westfield, a Nissan Skyline GTR & Mazda RX-7 (both popping and flaming from the exhaust!), an Aston Martin V8 and a horrible sounding Renault Clio. There was also an old Citroen ZX, a VW Golf TD (in silver obviously) and a last-generation Toyota MR2 Turbo which I apparently gave a run for its money pace-wise. There was another MX-5, a Gleneagles, and I had quite a few enjoyable chats with its owner Brian.

Funniest car of the day was the Rover 100 (a tarted up Metro) which looked for all the world like the car an OAP would drive. It had no spoilers, no decals, no sporting anything, just slightly lowered suspension if you looked carefully.

Here it is overtaking me on the start/finish straight. Just out of shot on the right is a silver (again…) Porsche 911 Carrera 4 that had struggled to get past the Metro at the beginning of the straight. For most of the day the question on most people’s lips was “What has that got under the bonnet?!” and eventually we found out it had an MG ZT engine mated to a Peugeot sports gearbox and fully independent suspension all round. The ultimate Q-Car!

Finally, thanks go to the man at Motorsport International (Tel: 01953 887232 - Snetterton Circuit, Harling Rd, Snetterton, Norwich, Norfolk, NR16 2JU - they don’t have a website I can find) who sorted out an early tyre pressure issue which could have ruined my day, and Helen who gave me the voucher for the day for Christmas.

I feel a little odd posting this, because it could be seen as gloating. It’s certainly not though. Just amazement.

Dad’s visiting this weekend and he, Helen & I sat in a beer garden to have lunch thankful for the sunshade keeping the hot sun from our heads whilst allowing us to enjoy the clear blue sky.

Meanwhile in Alcester, the place I moved from exactly a year ago today…

That’s the main road to Stratford, just around the corner from High Street and posted on a BBC In Pictures page showing scenes around Warwickshire.

It’s like I’m living in a different country.

Full track listings of my Sun/Rain CD compilations will be posted tomorrow…

I know I’m in danger of becoming Imelda Marcos but I would really like a blue pair of shoes. Alas I am a man and so I have to have shoes in either black or brown unless I want enormous boot-like monstrosities or hideous fake animal print. And I don’t want either thank you. I just want a pair of blue shoes.

Why doesn’t anyone make blue shoes for men? Or do they and I just can’t find them? I imagine they’re out there costing hundreds of pounds but for normal prices there’s nothing.

I’m not going to re-train as a peddlar, and I’m not about to have a sex change, so please someone help me find a pair of blue shoes…

With just ten days to go we have this :

It’s described in the BBC article this picture comes from, by a member of the Pagan Federation, as “ridiculous”. And indeed it is. Spending all that money on it when surely there’s no one in the world who hasn’t got their ticket pre-booked already!

Full of bad language, inappropriate and in bad taste. This one comes with a 15 certificate (at least) but if you’re into football it’s great fun…

I’m astonished that it’s taken me so long to find the Daily Mail-o-matic Daily Mail headline generator. I was alerted to it by a friend yesterday after I told him about a despicably vile woman in the restaurant we went to for lunch. It was the nearest I’ve come to walking up to someone in public and pouring water over them - if you’re going to spend the entire meal spouting racial hatred don’t drag your grandchildren into it, and don’t make the others diners hear it too by using your loudest voice. My ‘favourite’ quote, directed at her grandchildren, was this :

“Don’t repeat anything I’ve said at the table, people don’t like it.”

Because it’s hateful & wrong, so stop saying it! Arggahh!

I’m sure she’s like this headline :

COULD ASYLUM SEEKERS KILL THE BRITISH PEOPLE?

Whilst I like these…

DO TEACHERS STRIP YOUR MORTGAGE OF ALL DIGNITY?

WILL GAYS LEAD THE ELDERLY ASTRAY?

COULD GYPSIES GIVE BRITAIN’S SWANS CANCER?

There’s also the odd mention of the People’s Arse. Which is funny, if bordering on the Di-ly Express’s territory.

Have a play if you’ve not before…

We went to see The Feeling last night in Thetford Forest. They were really very good…

This is an example from YouTube, and I may well write more later, but it was a great evening and I’ll be looking to see them again.

Briefly, my musical random experiment threw up one clear finding. That iTunes likes The Carpenters.

I have every album by Marillion, The Flaming Lips, Betty Boo, Queen, Mansun, U2, Radiohead etc. and just one, incomplete, Carpenters’ Greatest Hits. So which artist was played the most? Here’s the latter part of the list - note four Carpenters songs in this bit alone. There were more before that.

Recent Tracks

The Jeevas – The Way You Carry On      16:34
The Beach Boys – Good Vibrations      16:30
Carpenters – Tryin’ to Get the Feeling Again      16:26
Carpenters – Goodbye to Love      16:22
The Smashing Pumpkins – X.Y.U.      16:15
Octopus – If You Want To Give Me More      16:11
Carpenters – All You Get From Love Is a Love Song      16:08
The Mars Volta – L’Via L’Viaquez      15:55
Queen – The Miracle      15:50
U2 – Babyface      15:46
Jamiroquai – Too Young to Die      15:43
Moby – My Weakness      15:39
Placebo – Pure Morning (Album Version)      15:35
Marillion – Market Square Heroes      15:30
George Michael – Cowboys and Angels      15:23
T. Rex – Metal Guru      15:21
Dire Straits – Money For Nothing (Live)      15:14
Wire – Three Girl Rhumba      15:11
De La Soul – I Can Do Anything (Delacratic)      15:10
Kasabian – Ovary Stripe (UK)      15:06
George Michael – Careless Whisper      15:01
Serge Gainsbourg – Le poinçonneur des Lilas      14:58
Jamie Lidell – Multiply      14:54
The Flaming Lips – Do You Realize??      14:50
The Beach Boys – I Just Wasn’t Made for These Times      14:47
The Cure – Fascination Street (extended mix)      14:38
Semisonic – Closing Time      14:31
Franz Ferdinand – You’re the Reason I’m Leaving      14:29
Air – La Femme d’argent      14:21
Marillion – Beautifully Disturbing      14:20
The Charlatans – A House Is Not a Home      14:15
Mansun – Good Intentions Heal The Soul      13:49
Dido – See the Sun      13:43
Eels – Novocaine for the Soul      13:40
Silicone Soul – Burning Sands      13:32
Marillion – Built-in Bastard Radar      13:27
Marillion – The Only Unforgivable Thing      13:20
Kasabian – Test Transmission      13:16
Gene – To the City      13:12
Leonard Cohen – Hey, That’s No Way To Say Goodbye      13:09
Duran Duran – Rio [US Edit]      13:04
Goldfrapp – Ooh La La      13:01
Guillemots – Through the Windowpane      12:57
Monty Python – I’ve Got Two Legs      12:56
Pink Floyd – In the Flesh      12:52
The Kinks – You Really Got Me      12:50
The Smiths – Half a Person      12:46
Supergrass – Pumping on Your Stereo      12:43
Carpenters – I Need to Be in Love      12:39
The Feeling – Never Be Lonely (live)      12:36

With over 7000 songs to choose from, the 30ish by The Carpenters came up too many times for my liking. I know it’s been mentioned many times before, but I really don’t think the iTunes is totally random…

Note: I consider much of The Carpenters back catalogue to be pap (and the cover versions - arggh!), but Goodbye To Love, Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft and especially I Won’t Last A Day Without You are works of genius. So there!

Listening to music whilst I’m working is something I’ve started doing recently whilst working at home. It’s only quiet in the background but it makes the mind wander less.

I’ve been choosing specific albums or artists and they tended to be ones I’ve been listening to a lot. Last week and yesterday though I started to choose free magazine compilations and soundtrack albums that I haven’t listened to in ages. Then I went for albums I’ve had for ages and not yet listened to. Doing this I came across a few gems such as Björk’s “Jóga” which sadly I’ve just not listened to for ages.

So today, once I’ve listened to The Divine Comedy (which I’ve been looking forward to doing since yesterday afternoon) I’m going to stick my entire iTunes folder onto Random. Now this is not like the hooligan or the arab stick going on random where they’d still most probably get some perfectly in-touch-with-the-moment set list - I have some seriously dodgy stuff in iTunes and although I like/love 75% of it, about 20% is stuff I’ve acquired over the years for school plays, quiz nights etc. and so it’s really not me at all and 5% I hate. The random set listing will be appearing in my Last.fm box to the right of this message as the day progresses. Lovely. (What Last.fm won’t pick up on of course, because they’re too short, are the hundreds of sound clips and effects I’ve collected over the years. I’ll hear them but no one will know! Fun!)

Incidentally, does anyone know why when I listen to iTunes when it’s importing a CD the speakers crackle and bang? It imports them without any problems and when I’m not importing it works perfectly. You just can’t listen and import at the same time…and if you do you have to restart iTunes before you can listen properly again. Very annoying…

Whilst out driving yesterday morning I saw a Rover SD1. I always quite liked the look of them when I was younger, and liked how big they were.

What struck me about seeing it was just how wide modern cars have become. I’ve looked it up and the SD1 Rover was 1768mm wide. Compare that to today and that’s barely wider than modern super minis such as the new Vauxhall Corsa.

I mention the Corsa because my first car was a Mark 1 Vauxhall Nova. I drove a new Corsa recenty and was amazed. In just fifteen years the change is incredible. It feels like such a bigger car partly because it is such a bigger car, but also because it’s so much better made. How they manage to do it is amazing, but it does make me miss genuinely small cars.